So I begin a new year of my life. 2007. I would have to expect the best out of this year as i do every year. Undoubtedly though i will be hurt, suffer from loss, and be confused from past experiences.
Last year i lost 2 people close to me...in the same month.
My mother turned 50, but health wise seems 80.
My best friend became pregnant.
My 2 year relationship ended horribly.
I was demoesticly assulted (by my ex)
The year just couldn't have been better!!!
As this year begins, i worry. I'm a senior (obviously), but one of my subjects i MUST have....i have a 4 as a grade. I haven't turned a single thing in and i honestly don't care. All i did was the major project. Sad and i should be worried, but when this new quarter comes around i'll be able to take it again *sigh*. At least i have this 3rd chance to do this. I just HATE government.
My ex is back in my life........i don't know how to handle this. I'm lost with emotions. I hate him so and love him at the same time. I'm not really sure which i feel more...hate or love?
My only remaining relatives (that are important to me and give a damn about my family) is my Grandpa and my Aunt Shirlee. My Grandpa is 83 i believe, my Aunt Shirlee is 80.
I think i would be more upset wiuth the passing of my Aunt then my Grandpa. He was married into the family and he's the only male figure i had. As soon as my Grandmother passed we stopped going and seeing him so much. It use to be every wednesday. It turned into every other week, to every other month, to just never seeing him till chirstmas. He remarried. Bonnie. I put up with her for the sake of him. He at least has someone to take care of him now. She's he's 3rd wife.
My Aunt Shirlee is the last remaining of the 3 sisters. Aunt Edna, Grandma, and Aunt Shirlee. I always loved her and my Grandmother...i loved Edna too but it was never like these two. When she died I wasn't surprised. Uncle Johnny had died 2 months before her and she was living for nothing i believe. Uncle Joe died before the both of them. Cancer. Aunt Shirlee still writes his name in cards. But instead of Uncle Joe she writes "Angel Uncle Joe". She loved him........a love i wish to have one day.
But as the days continue i worry that when i get home my mother will tell me either by phone or face-to-face that she has passed. That my grandpa has left us. One more death i must undure.
I'm sorry i'm getting carried away in death and my past.
Back to what really matters. Graduating and after school. I hope to graduate. As of lately i feel i won't. I'm slacking, not motivated enough to even care. I'm going to try and work my butt off. I need to get up and realize how important to me, for my life.
After this school year is over (depending on the outcome) i'm going to visit California and decide if i want to live there. Make my life there with my friend Sarah. I'll look for jobs while i'm there let people know i'm looking and willing. If i do move there i will try and get a job right off the bat, before i even move there i should unsure i have a place of imployment. That would be the best thing. If that works out i will save money and use what need be for the rent and food. Then save the rest. After a year i will become a "Califorinan" and be able to get aid from the state for College.
If i decided not move then i will continue to try and get a job maybe try to move out of my house with someone. I really don't care i just want a room, a place to myslef. Something i've never had. College isn't a big part of my life at the moment. Maybe in a few years once i figure out what i truly want to be.
This year is a new beginning of my life, and i hope that i enjoy every minute of it.
~Melissa Anne
